Okay, for the first time in a while, this actually feels like a Monday.  And well, as the start of the week, I feel like I need to do some organizing and thought gathering and just some general housekeeping.  (and please tell me you get the reference above.)

• 2010: Year of the Cupcake – I’ve been slacking at starting this.  Which, yes, is totally lame because, hi.. CUPCAKES.  I have indeed consumed my first (second, third, and fourth) cupcakes for the year.  However, I’m not counting them for YotC.  I do however have a great bakery picked out for my first trip and am very excited about visiting them this week.
• Some personal news – I don’t want to talk about work too much, but I had to share this… I got a promotion!  I know I just got this job, but I’ve already been promoted to Assistant Manager.  Feel free to congratulate me with cookies, cupcakes, drinks, or meals.
• Triple-A – still going steadily…  We also have a facebook group now that you can join (this is just a way for us to sort of be able to see all the members at once.)  I’m going to continue working with Lovely about maybe a giveaway… and I’d like to work with 20sb on some projects too.
• BOYS. – okay this is the update that you all (*cough*cmigs*cough*) want.  I am going to be working on The List post(s?) during my days off this week.  (When I’m not finishing freelance work.)  I know you’re all dying to know about the Macedonian (*cough*cmigs*cough*)… However, while, yes, I still talk to him some, there’s someone else.  I’ve been reconnecting with someone from my past (from college, not a previous hookup or relationship or anything).  Well, let’s just say it’s been the highlight of a lot of things (weeks, days.. yeah..) .. And I’m definitely looking forward to seeing where this could go — however, he’s not in Chicago… so…
• Grad school – I know I talked about living your dreams… and wanting to apply to the MA in Zoology… but with the promotion, I’ve been going back and forth about whether I should apply for this year.  Classes would start in the summer.  I might see if there’s any conservation or environmental education courses I can take online this year…  I need to find a way to work full time and still get this degree.

Anyway… said guy from above is IMing me… and I have an email from him that’s burning a hole in my inbox (MUST READ NOOOOWWWW!)… so…. sorry… BOY.

I’m questioning my grad school decisions… yet again…

I thought I had settled on Creative Writing.  But now that I’ve sat for long enough without completing an application*… I’m starting to wonder if what I want to do is indeed study writing.

I’ve got a lot of interests, and a lot of things I love doing.  How do I know which one to focus on for grad school?  Or, at least, which one do I choose first?  (Hey, I can get multiple Masters…)

One of the biggest issues, Columbia has a few degrees I’m interested in — and you can only apply to one of them.  This past year I applied for what I thought was my long shot, Film.  I was right.  But now I’m wondering if I want Creative Writing or Arts, Entertainment, and Media Management…  Why can’t I have both?  Even if I choose AEMM, which discipline do I choose, because you’ve got to have that figured out before you apply.  Media Management? Music Business Management? Performing Arts Management?  I’ve got interest in all three of those!  And each program only picks anywhere from 3-10 applicants every year.

DePaul is also in the picture.  They’ve got a Masters in Writing and Publishing, and it’s the latter part of that program that interests me.  I’ve really enjoyed working in publishing, and know I could make a good editor.  The idea of starting up a small press just sounds awesome.  But I don’t know much about the program and if it’d be worth my time (and money)…

Lastly, there’s the School of the Art Institute.  I’d be studying writing there.  They’ve got such a great program that really seems to be a good fit for me.  It’s a interdisciplinary approach to writing, incorporating other arts — and it’s one of the few programs in Chicago that has a comics/graphic course.

There are a lot of other schools in the city that I’m sure would have programs that I’d be interested in…. But those are the leading ones right now.  It’s mostly writing programs because that’s what I thought I wanted for the past however many months.  But AEMM has come back into the picture.

I want to teach about wildlife and conservation, write til my fingers fall off, publish new and great writers and illustrators, plan and coordinate events, work with bands I love, document anything and everything on film, get lost for hours writing and designing websites, operate sound and lighting equipment, be on the radio again….

Can’t I just do it all?

*I did apply to Roosevelt, but well, obviously didn’t get in.

• I’ve been unemployed for about a month and half now
• I didn’t get the writing job in Madison, let alone an interview
• I’m practically a hermit
• Credit card debt? Yeah, um, hi.
• How many times can I get rejected by guys each month?
• I’m on a month-to-month lease
• If I pay my cell phone bill, I don’t know if I can buy food
• I can’t afford rent next month
• I can’t afford the medications I was previously taking
• I have no idea what’s happening with grad school — as in, if I’m going to apply or if I’ll be able to finish a portfolio in time
• Oh, and yeah, if I do apply to grad school where’s that money going to come from?
• Someone I know in real life has threatened legal action against me (they have no case though)… and there might be awkward, if not potentially frustrating and miserable times ahead (depending on this other person’s actions)

Those are just the things off the top of my head.  I have no idea what’s going on with me or many of those things listed above.  Sometimes I wonder why I’m not stressed — me, the Queen of Stress, who’s been hospitalized with acute, temporary paralysis thanks to stress… How am I calm?  I feel like I should be freaked out.  (And yes, I know, why am I complaining? Shouldn’t this be a good thing?)

Well, for one… My mom’s talked about loaning some money so I can stay in Chicago another month.  And also, something about my cell bill and helping make sure that the kittens and I have food.  I’ve got a freelance web design job lined up for next month too… It won’t be much, but it’s something.  And I am still applying to jobs.  (I’m awesome, someone will hire me.)  And, um, yeah, flirting still.  I sort of have a little bit of a crush on someone… and I honestly don’t care if it develops into anything.  Truly.  It’s just been fun talking to someone and giggling.  (I’m awesome, someone will date me.)

I may not know what’s going to happen, or how things are going to be taken care of… I don’t even know how long I’ll stay in Chicago.  Things will work out though.  Somehow.  Right?

ANYWAY….

I’ve had a lot to think about lately — more so than my despise for this virus running a muck through my respiratory system.  I feel like I’m in, or entering a transition phase of life again.  That I’ve got big choices for big changes.

Do I start my career as a professional writer, but have to leave Chicago? Or do I stay and start grad school, possibly forgoing an income for loans?  Or do I fail at accomplishing either of those and end up moving back to Indiana?

Wait, backup.  You read that right.. I applied for a writing job not in Chicago.  Wasn’t I just going on and on about not wanting to move away from Chicago?  Well. Yeah.  I still love this city.  I still have crushes I’m not ready to give up on yet.  I’ve got my band, my friends, my bus routes, my cupcakes… this is my city.  But when a dear friend of mine told me about this writing job she thought I’d love… I had to look into it.

Learning more about the company, well, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work for them.  So I applied.  All of my parents are supporting me in this, as is my brother — who’s going to help me find a car that can handle driving in snow, because I cannot handle driving in snow.  I’m sure the kittens will be okay with the move too because I’ll finally be able to pull their kitty tower out of storage.

I really want this job.  Really want.  However, this will be pushing my grad school dreams back.  Can I be okay with that?  You’d think I was completely batty, but I cannot wait to get back into a classroom.  I can’t wait to take lit classes and be required to write, write, write until my hand falls off.  I want to pursue writing, publishing, and literature academically.  … but this is a writing job (in a great company no less).  And that’s pretty awesome.

You know me.  You know my outlook.  Things will work out.  But if you could cross your fingers, pray, keep me in your thoughts for getting this job… that’d be super.  Seriously.  How often am I this freaking excited to leave the city I love for a place that snows, a lot, and I’d need a car and have to drive through said snow…

So… well… I’m more than a little distracted and am attempting to focus all energy there (minus the energy required to do my work tasks..)  .. But with essays to finish and edit and rewrite, and portfolios to polish… and letters to wait and wait for… yeah.  I’m distracted.

I skipped reading band last night and more than likely I’ll be missing Andy T’s band perform tomorrow as well as attending a spoken word event with Dani and Neemer.

The things I do for this strange love of education… and writing..

What I need to complete my grad school applications:

• Finish my CV (aka create a list of my publications and insert it into CV, which is done except for that part)
• Gather my material for my portfolios
• Actually put together my portfolios (two 20 page, one 25 page)
• Send copies of my portfolio & CV to the professors who have been kind enough to write letters for me
• Write 3 personal statements (each 300-500 words)
• Receive my transcripts (which have been requested)
• Receive my letters of recommendation
• Put everything together into happy envelops/packaging
• MAIL OUT MY SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL/APPLICATIONS.
• sit and wait.

Yep.  Not that much really.  I think I’m going to dig through my computers as well as my room to try get the information I need for my CV… and then take all those items I’ve found and start piecing together my portfolio — having the roommates take a quick peek…. Then if there’s time and energy, continue outlining my statements…  By the end of the week my CV should be done, as with my portfolios.  I’d like to have my first draft of one of my personal statements done as well.

Woohoo for goals and accomplishments.  I deserve a cookie.  (no, seriously, I do. you should probably get on that.)

My interest in an MFA program might be a surprise to some — seeing as I’ve primarily talked about my interest and application to film school for documentary work.  Well, after a little freaking out that I wasn’t going to get in (and I still don’t know), I decided to have a plan B… Well, plan B turn out to be writing, and I’m starting to be slightly more interested in it than film.  That might just be the realistic side in me, knowing that the film school I applied to only accepts 15 students a year.  And well, if you haven’t noticed, I like writing.

Anyway.  So I’ve been looking at MA and MFA programs around the Second City… I’ve also looked just slightly to see what other options I might have around the Midwest if I decided that I was ready to actually leave the city.  Right now I’m looking at 3 universities in the area, two are MFAs in Creative Writing (one also has an MA), and the other is an MA in Writing and Publishing.  My father would like to see me in a professional writing program, but I’m not sure.  And I’ve looked into Rhetoric and Composition too — this is what prompted my conversations with Wyrm’s brother, since he does have a Ph.D. in the subject.

We’ll see where this all takes me… But from four grad school applications (assuming I get these next three in on time), I hope to be accepted to at least one of them… and there’s two I’d be thrilled with.

But, on with my night…

Dani’s attending AWP this weekend, which is this massive conference of writers (which, yes, does include cute writer boys — I so wish I was attending this conference).  Last night they just happened to have an amazing keynote address by an author (and artist) I really admire and love — Art Spiegelman.

Trust me, it's Art Spiegelman

It was a great address.  It’s one of those things that I never could have imaged attending.  I mean, I didn’t even learn until I was heading to the Lit Feast that Spiegelman would be talking tonight, let alone be a part of AWP — and it wasn’t until after the feast that I learned that I had the possibility of attending!

I would love to hear him again, maybe in a smaller setting — but I won’t be picky.  It was an awesome experience and I’m greatful.

Now, for you… I’ve got about ten and half minutes from the beginning of his address for you.  Please ignore the lack of quality — though my mino is nicer than filming on my point-and-shoot canon — and ignore the shakiness.  Hopefully the audio isn’t too bad.

There’s also another issue.  I haven’t heard from one of my professors yet, who was supposed to be a reference for me.  So now I’m hoping my old radio boss, Jason, will be able to pull out a massive favor for me and send one in tomorrow.  I won’t be able to cover postage for him, but if he can do this for me, I’ll seriously take him out on the town here.  Dinner, a concert of a hockey game or something, and drink… whatever.  I’ll definitely owe him big for this.  Heck, I’ll come in for a few weekends and do miscellaneous work around the Globe for him if he wants.  I just need that reference.  Hopefully I don’t have to worry about my boss getting my other letter in on time.

I feel that I should still come up with a backup plan if I don’t get in to my first pick.  I know there are other film schools around, but I don’t want to leave this area and there really isn’t another program that suites me like this one does.  I don’t really know what my other options are if I don’t get in.  I’ll want to switch jobs, I know that much.  But really, I want to get back into film and this is the best means of doing so.

Tomorrow I’m going to mail out my supplemental material… and then we sit and wait for 4-to-6 weeks.  I feel confident that if I get an interview, they’ll be able to see why I’m a good fit for their program.

So, here’s to it.  I’m wishing myself the best of luck.

I’m still very confident that I want to go to Columbia College.  I’m not questioning that.  It’s been more of figuring out which program would be best for me there.

My first thoughts have been the AEMM program.  With that, I thought I’d choose Media Management (MM) as my concentration.  I was happy.  I had made my decision.  And then I started thinking about it.  I wasn’t exactly sure what I could do with an MAM (Masters in Media Management) in MM.  I wasn’t quite sure what I knew of MM at all.  I just knew it was the business side to film, radio, tv, newspapers and magazines.  Well, that could be almost anything.

I also toyed around in AEMM with the thought of Music Business Management (MBM) and Preformance Arts Management (PAM)… MBM was simply because I love audio.  I love live sound, I loved working in the radio business… I just wanted to be with music.  But I couldn’t see myself getting completely passionate about that — at least, not in comparison to my other passion… and PAM, well, that was just because I was a decent stage manager and enjoyed it.

But no.  I know my true passion… and well, if I’m going to get anywhere, I should go with this.
Documentaries.  Wildlife documentaries to be more specific…
I have been an animal nut since I was born.  And, thanks to my dad a lot, I have a decent background in audio/visual which led me to film and broadcast for a while.  And well, I just can’t deny it… I just want to get back into film.  There’s just something about using film in an educational purpose.  I want to travel, to get into communities and work with them on creating educational pieces about their environments for their communities and for the greater population.  I’ve worked on various films and videos since my junior year of high school (2001)…. and in college I worked on two documentaries, one of which won an award (I was the Associate Producer).

Basically now… I’m tossing around between AEMM and Columbia’s Film program… Film school has always intimidated me.  And an old producer of mine adviced against it… but this is a spring board for me to get back into this.  A means for pushing me forward.  I don’t doubt my passion at all.  I just need to find the confidence to pursue this next step.

Associate Producing in South Africa (that day meant boom mic op)

I was in Edgewater for about 9 months.  3 of those months I was an unemployed hermit.  I only left my apartment for food about once every two weeks.  Occasionally I’d head off to the library.  Mostly I stayed home in my 11 x 15 studio with one window.
This really wasn’t a healthy situation for me.

Eventually I found gainful employment, and due to Steph’s marriage, was asked to move to Evanston with live with Becca, Mennogirl, and jrosei.  There’s two apartments, one on 2nd (mine) and one on 3rd.  I actually only live with Becca.

There are a few things I didn’t know about when I moved… The deposit was huge.  My half was huge.  It was more than my buy-out fee for ending my lease 15 months early (never, never get a 2 year lease).  Also, the rent was really cheap, but this was because our building is considered low income (or something near that).  I knew it was a co-op, and that we’d own a share in the building.  This means attending meetings, assisting with work days, monthly cleaning, and basically being proactive as apart of the building community (as well as planning to be there for a bit longer term).

I acknowledge that I’m a difficult person to live with.  I have my quirks.  And apparently, I have some sort of mild OCD-neurosis when it comes to the kitchen — the fridge mainly.  However, Libby’s assured me, this isn’t a mental quirk, this is normal.
Anyway… moving into this apartment was definitely a healthy and good decision for me.  Since Chrissy moved away, I really needed to be around people.  More so than just work.  So moving in with “the girls” was a good thing for me.  We’d all gone to college together.  Mennogirl, jrosei and I lived in China together.  I knew Becca, but well, honestly we never hung out in college.  Living with her has been the first time for me to really get to know her.  There have been some challenges — again, this is me acknowledging I can be a difficult person to live with.

With my decision to attend grad school, I decided that I want to move closer to that campus and have a longer commute for work.  (Grad school would be in the loop, work is on the northern side of the Northern Territories.)  All of the girls, Libby now included (Mennogirl moved down the alley and Libby moved in), knew I had planned on moving for school.  My goal was to convince Chrissy to come back to me and we could live together.  This is still in negotiations.

Anyway.  With the uncertainty of who I’ll be living with, I at least have the neighborhood picked out.  Right now I’m focusing on moving down to the Southern Lands of Pilsen.  Weiss, who lives there, is assisting in finding some reasonable dwellings.  Since Chrissy is being all academic at grad school now, if she were to come back it would be in June.  However, after more talks with a handful of people, and more time spent down south, I have been toying with the idea that if for some sad reason Chrissy won’t move back, then I’d be willing to move in March.

I hadn’t mentioned this to my current roommate until last night.  I didn’t feel the need to add stress when I really don’t have any of the details worked out.  I only told her last night because I just now found out that she will be quitting her job in January and at this point doesn’t have a plan other than to just find work elsewhere.  With this information, it felt wrong not letting her know.

Anyway… without letting this post get too long… I’m having an interesting time dealing with this whole living situation.  I enjoy the girls, and there are a lot of aspects about the apt that I like.  However, I won’t deny that this hasn’t necessarily been my ideal situation.  It is definitely better than where I was at in many ways.  I’m becoming ready to move on.  But as my excitement builds, I feel this dragging guilt.  That in some ways I’m a bad person for moving.  That I shouldn’t feel so happy to be moving.

It’s my personal decision to move, and I have multiple reasons.  I’ve had a small handful of people telling me to move to Pilsen for well over 6 months now.  And while I realize that my move will change things, and put Becca into a situation she probably doesn’t want to be in — everything’s sort of raining on my parade.  I’ve been in a rainy (and hail-y) parade.  It’s no fun.

It’s hard to know where to be.  I don’t want my roommates to feel that I am abandoning them.  I realize it’s probably hard for them to be supportive of me and excited with/for me when it’s going to bring new challenges to them.  But, with risking sounding too selfish, I need this change.  The Northern Territories were good for me, but I’m ready to get back into an active social life — just an active life all together.  The kittens and I are ready for a new phase.