Now, I won’t deny that this is probably going on and is a serious issue… But I’m not also going to deny that I haven’t perused the casual encounters section of craigslist before… or that I’ve posted there myself.

Before you get your panties in a bunch, you should probably know a few things.  When I first moved to the Second City, after my lovely Chrizzle moved away, I decided I needed a bit of a social life.  So I turned towards the interwebs, namely, criagslist to assist me in this.  I posted at least two ads in the w4m section (and for those of you who don’t know, that’s the “I just want a date” area)…  I got a lot of replies… And well, I checked out the m4w section… and by the end of it I had met 4 different guys.  And well, it didn’t work out with any of them…

Recently, I’d been getting bored and in between looking for apartments, I started browsing various personal ads.  This eventually resulted in me wandering over to the casual encounters section.  And yes, that is the “I want sex” section.

I can’t say, no I didn’t/don’t want sex.  But I wasn’t actually seeking it there.  I was just browsing.  Window shopping, if you will.  When it comes to sex, I’ve realized it’s really hard for me to have anything causal.  I’m not really one of those one-night stand sort of girls.  I don’t really know if I’m capable of NSA (no strings attached), and you know, I’m okay with that.  Given that besides the fact that sex is fun, the actual biological purpose of it is to procreate and continue the species.. well, I’m not really wanting to do that right now.  So regardless of what ever precautions we might take, I’d like to feel at least somewhat comfortable with the person I’m willing to risk spawning an offspring with.  It doesn’t mean I want to have a baby with them, I just need to be okay with the process.

So when I posted my ad in the causal encounters w4m area, I had absolutely no intentions on meeting anyone.  I hadn’t even intended on replying.  I was mostly curious and wanted to see what kind of response I could get.  Shallow, yes.  I’m okay with that.  Now, I did my.. research.. before posting.  I wanted to see what others were posting in my section, and well, what they guys were posting too.  With the women, there are hardly any ads with pictures.  A very small percentage.  It’s not that women aren’t posting them — though, on average they’ll post them less than men — it’s mainly that any ad with pictures is inevitably flagged for removal.

This was definitely my experience.  I created a new email account just for this sole purpose of the ad.  Then I placed a really short, simple ad with a picture.  I made sure that my face wasn’t shown, and I changed the color of fabrics in the picture.  The only skin you could see was my stomach.  After four replies and only a few minutes, my ad was flagged for removal.  I tried again a day later.  I changed the wording just a little bit… included the same picture… I received over 90 replies in just under 2 hours before my ad was flagged again.  A fair number of these emails included pictures.  It was actually quite impressive how many men out there are willing to send a random stranger a picture of there man-bits.  However, it’s also impressive how many men out there are willing to display their man-bits to the masses in their ads.  Some even include face pictures.  And some of them in my inbox had definitely been posted in the m4w… (If I was going to actually go through with that, there’d be no way I’d want someone who was a frequent poster of casual encounters.)  And it should be noted, that the men’s ads are hardly ever flagged, even the few that included pictures from adult websites.

It was an interesting experiment.  I’ve definitely confirmed that if I really want to get laid, it won’t be that hard for me to find a willing person.  (And I’m not just talking creepy older men either…)  In all honesty, yes, it was a bitchy whorish thing for me to do, stringing those men’s trust along offering something I have no intentions of actually giving.  But really, you sent a picture of your junk to someone you don’t know.  Maybe trust isn’t an issue.

While I wouldn’t consider myself a pro at it by any means, I have been a member of some various internet dating site for about 8 years now.  And yes, if you do the math, that meant that I was under the age of 18 when I signed up for my first account… But hey, I did find my date for my junior prom so, it wasn’t so bad.  And I did tell him my real, younger, age before meeting in person.  Now, eight years ago, that was probably a pretty dumb thing for me to do.  Things have changed a bit, and it’s become marginally more acceptable.  My mom uses online dating sites, as did my dad to find my new stepmom, and my cousin who just got married found her husband thanks to eHarmony.

Every site is a bit different, and each will draw their own crowd.  I personally stick to sites that don’t require me to pay for anything.  Maybe if I was actually desperate to be in a relationship, or to get married, I might… but even though I’m on these sites, I actually have very low expectations of meeting people, or at least meeting people that I’ll actually end up dating.  Like I said, I like looking at various males’ profiles (okay, mainly their pictures), but I also like getting emails from various males most of which reminding me how attractive I am.  Even if I am in no way remotely even attracted to them, it’s still nice to hear.

I actually have met some pretty interesting people from the most recent site I’ve been on.  Well, actually, I met one person who introduced me to a lot of other people who are also on that site.  And then I met one who was either having a bad night or, well, not that happy of a person…  And then there was the Virginian… But out of all the emails I get, a small handful are worth responding to.  And lately I feel pretty lucky that there’s been a couple who… well, I smile quite a bit when I see I’ve got a message from them in my inbox.  And really, there’s one in particular that I wouldn’t mind meeting offline one of these days.

I will admit, it is sort of an odd thing.  Chrizzle and I have discussed this.  When you meet someone online, you tend to want to develop things quickly, or at least, more so than if you had just met in person maybe.  That all it takes is a couple emails and then you’re ready to not only meet this stranger in person but probably also do a little bit of making out and maybe more…

The sites are fun, and do provide entertainment (especially during the lulls at work)… but I think they can be terrible replacements for an interpersonal relationship.  However, I never can quite convince myself to delete my account.

Anyway.  I do want to talk about one of my BFFs.
Personally, I think the idea of having just one best friend for your entire life, well, very challenging and I’m not actually opposed to having more than one “best” friends.  However, I will say, that in the past couple years, a wonderful person has come into my life and frankly I love her.

We’ve definitely got our differences, but I like to think we balance each other pretty well.  And even though we don’t see each other regularly, due to geographical distance, and because of all the psychoticness happening in each of our lives we haven’t been able to keep in touch much… but really, I know regardless of that if I need her, she’s there… and the same goes for her, I’ll be there for her through anything.  And I have been there through many things… and well, she knows practically all the drama I’ve been through and the good times too.

She’s an amazing woman who I not-so-secretly wish would move back to the city purely for my own selfish reason.  She’s a lot stronger than she knows and most of the guys she’s been with haven’t deserved her…

This is what best friends are for… someone you can count on, share every intimate detail of your life with, and just enjoy the simple things with.  (Honestly, that’s what an ideal partner/spouse should be too.. ‘cept you can make out with them without all the awkwardness.)  As I continually grow older, furthering my decline into adulthood (ok, it’s not that bad), I’ve come to realize how much I value this relationship.  That as other friends move away and slowly fade out of my life, that I’ve still got this person — this awesome person who can still be a part of my life even if she lives hours away.

I’ve always had a pretty large social group.  I was part of a 22-person dinner reservation for my senior prom… And in college I continued having vast and varied friends… It’s something I enjoy.  But it’s been great having this one person with me a long the way.  I mean, who else would listen to me ramble on for an hour or more about some new crush I have on a guy I don’t even know the name of…

So… to this… I decided a little musical tribute would be nice… and well, I figured out of anyone she’d get, understand, and find the same amusement in this song as I do.

Chrizzle.  i hearts you.

The concert was great… an amazing number of attractive guys there.  It was also a really interesting line up… all 4 bands were a bit different… and they were all somewhat enjoyable in their own measure.  Personally, I liked the last two — Munroe and Bottle of Justus (who we, aka Chrissy, were there to see).  At one point early on in the night, Chrissy had given me some numbers to store in my phone in case her batteries died… and well, thinking I was texting one of her other friends we had met up with that night, I accidentally texted on of the guys in BOJ.  Oops.

Now, onto the matter of the friends we met up with there… three guys… They started out hanging with us… and then as the night continued we saw less and less of them… well, we saw them, but not with us and not coming towards us… They had found some entertainment in the forms of some blondes.  Whatevs.  I was mostly miffed because I had hoped they would have bought us drinks that night…  Chrissy was pissed for other reasons, and rightfully so.  Anyway… they boys drank, a lot. .. One of them even got tossed out… which we didn’t know until we found him outside after the concert… They were in no shape to drive anywhere… so we took their car, and I graciously allowed them to crash at my place.  (On the drive there, two of them vomited out of the car… while we were driving…)  Luckily they didn’t trash my place.

It was just sort of sad.  Even though I had just met these guys, and indeed they did ditch us to chase some tail, I could tell that there’s potential for quality there.  For a group of guys nearing 30, well, the drinking to excess isn’t a turn on at all… and no 20-something wants to babysit you, though we did.  If they would get their acts together, get their lives in order, well… then at least one of them would be a quality guy and a sweetheart… right now, with the drinking, flirting/ho-ing, and obnoxious comments and teasing, they’re heading into the land of Douche Bagia.  (Heck, well, I don’t know them well enough, they’re probably there already.)  But at least they have the potential to be something better… and hopefully they do so…

I know I sound judgey.. and yeah, I guess that’s what I’m doing.  But it’s disappointing when people don’t recognize the good in themselves  and become so self-absorbed into this image they think they need.  It makes you take a step back and look at yourself.  How into an image am I?  Is it even a proper representation of who I am?

Oh, House of Blues doesn’t allow camera… so I didn’t get a picture of my outfit like I promised.  It was a black and white, sheer halter top… I wore a black cardigan with it for part of the night…

Originally I thought I’d wear my white dress shirt with my suit vest (as seen here: this wench…), but well, now I’m not sure.  Chrissy’s got a hot top she’ll be wearing — sophisticated, yet flirty and sexy… it’s going to be awesome… But I’m not so sold on my vest.

I’ve looked through the various photos I have of me, mostly from my vanity album on facebook (which is mostly the same pose with different outfits)… and well, I still can’t settle on an outfit.  Just a top to wear with jeans.  That’s all I need.  And I’m half tempted just to throw on a fitted tshirt (something like my hurly, DC, volcom or other brand/style of that nature) and wear my pink and black checked faux fur-lined hoodie.  I love wearing clothes like that, and I do look hot in them, but well… maybe I’m looking for more than just damn cute tonight.

When it comes to my wardrobe, I’ve got my various tees, loungewear, dresses, hoodies, basics/casual, and work wear.  I’m definitely missing the whole “party/bar/club” aspect to it.  If I had truly noticed this before, I might have attempted shopping before tonight.. but well.. honestly, though I know I can pull of the whole club look, it’s not really me.  Granted, as Dani would point out, I’m a gemini and therefore crazy with multiple personalities/sides and maybe the club scene could be me… meh.  Who knows.

Basically, I need to scour my closet (and floor) for some sort of top I can be satisfied with tonight.  With any luck, Chrissy will be home when I get there and can assist in my mission.

Pictures by Monday with what I finally decide to wear.

My rockstar, Chrissy, is coming to town!

She left the city a while ago… way back in 2007… and went off to pursue her MSW… which should hopefully be complete this year.  And now, it’s my task to convience her to move back to the city, and more importantly, to move in with me!
While some people don’t recommend close friends living together, Chrissy and I have discussed this and think we’ll work things out pretty well.  If she doesn’t decide to come back, then well, I’ll be mighty lonely and out a roommate.

But forgetting all of that for a moment!  She’s arriving tonight! And of course I’m freaking excited about this.

Not sure what’s planned for tonight… but Andy T, a friend from Reading Band, is having a show tonight… so that’s an option… Tomorrow we’re going to go see her friends in Bottle of Justus play at the House of Blues… and then sadly, Chrissy’s leaving me on Saturday…  (Sunday, Dani and I are going to meet up with a friend or two of hers and hit the Green Mill for a poetry slam.)

Anyway.  work work work.  Hopefully I can get Chrissy to come in tomorrow for a bit so she can meet the girls (Dani, mjjb, and Neemer)… and maybe distract me from my tasks for a bit…

1. Lil G
Most adorable niece ever.  Seriously.  She never ceases to amaze me, and is a pretty smart little girl.  I just want to spoil her, more so than she already is.  Plus, she gets bonus points for knowing all of the words to Rhianna’s “Umbrella” — as tired of the songs as you might be, it’s so worth hearing over and over again with this amazing 3 year old singing.

2. My Momma
If you’ve ever wondered where my dorkiness comes from, yeah here’s it is.  All from mom.  She’s perfectly okay with it too.. which is awesome.  She feels the need to let me know whenever she sees a monkey, and is constantly sending me Get Fuzzy comics or lolcats.  And while some moms steal their children’s instruments because of the noise… my mom stole my electric guitar and my electric bass (which I stole from my brother) so she could play them.  Every Sunday she rocks out in her church’s praise band.. and yes, she does jump and play barefoot.  Pretty awesome for a grandma.

3. Timmy!
Despite the typical older brother things (see: punching, headlocks, wrestling, cracked noses), my brother is really important to me.  I mean, yeah.  (see: the wench)  I still look up to him a lot.  And if I’m going to go shopping with anyone, Timmy is among my first choices.  I like his style, and he tends to find good things for me.  I don’t always agree with things he’s doing, or some of his choices… but I love my bubby.  And hopefully within a year’s time we’ll have similar tattoos (cherry blossoms).

4. Dad, Cynthia & the girls
Actually.. I want to say, I am amazingly thankful for Cynthia.  She is a blessing to our family.  Other than Karen, my late stepmom, I can’t think of another woman to join our family and help raise my sisters.  Her humor works really well with dad’s — so that’s been great for him.  She’s well traveled, and sees the importance of a good education and higher education (meaning my sisters might be convinced to go to college even more so). She’s taken on a lot — never been married and now she’s got 4 girls at home, two adult children and a grandchild.  She’s pretty amazing in my eyes.  And as always, I’m thankful for the love and care that my dad gives me.  And I’m growing to appreciate my younger sisters more and more.

5. Family in general
My whole family is awesome — and I’m thankful for all of them… all of the grandparents (5 grandmas and 4 grandpas)… the aunts and uncles… all the cousins… I’ve got a pretty awesome and very supporting family and that’s been amazing.

6. My job
While I could do without the data entry and some of the tediousness.. I am indeed thankful for a full time job with benefits where not only am I paid well, but I’m appreciated.  I’ve got a boss who’s really understanding and actually is concerned about me and my goals outside of the facility.  Not many people are this lucky right out of school.  Plus, having a nice income with few bills.. well… my wardrobe, entertainment, and video game budget has definitely increased.  (I get to play with lasers and liquid nitrogen. bonus.)

7. The amazing group of people I call my friends
Seriously.  I feel pretty lucky.  I don’t even think I could name them all.  There have been a select few who have really been there for me and have seen me at my best and worse, and yet they still love me.  Two in particular I practically see as sisters now: Chrizzle and Mennogirl.  They’re pretty amazing.  And I’ve got my uber spectacular group of GC Kids whom I love and miss.  There’s my work friends (George whom I enjoy our evening walks to the train; and Dani and Meaghan who can only be described as wonderfully zany).  Topping everything off with some really amazing people who I’ve met recently — most of whom I’ve met thanks to Dan and Adam… The potluck group… The awesome folk of the reading band and the Mucca Pazza memebers I’ve been lucky enough to get to know… I’ve really got an amazing group of people in my life right now.  (Who else would put up with velociraptor attacks and nonstop dorky nerdom?)

8. The Kits.
Crazy as they may be… I love Tuija and Kaija.  They are just awesome little wonderpets.  Psycho little wonderpets sometimes… but awesome.  Two kittens are a bit much, but it wouldn’t feel right only having one of them.  Definitely a package deal.  And I’m appreciating how they’re morphing into cats and are enjoying a good cuddle.

9. Buffalo/Hot wings.
you taste so good.  there needs to be more of you in my life.

I was in Edgewater for about 9 months.  3 of those months I was an unemployed hermit.  I only left my apartment for food about once every two weeks.  Occasionally I’d head off to the library.  Mostly I stayed home in my 11 x 15 studio with one window.
This really wasn’t a healthy situation for me.

Eventually I found gainful employment, and due to Steph’s marriage, was asked to move to Evanston with live with Becca, Mennogirl, and jrosei.  There’s two apartments, one on 2nd (mine) and one on 3rd.  I actually only live with Becca.

There are a few things I didn’t know about when I moved… The deposit was huge.  My half was huge.  It was more than my buy-out fee for ending my lease 15 months early (never, never get a 2 year lease).  Also, the rent was really cheap, but this was because our building is considered low income (or something near that).  I knew it was a co-op, and that we’d own a share in the building.  This means attending meetings, assisting with work days, monthly cleaning, and basically being proactive as apart of the building community (as well as planning to be there for a bit longer term).

I acknowledge that I’m a difficult person to live with.  I have my quirks.  And apparently, I have some sort of mild OCD-neurosis when it comes to the kitchen — the fridge mainly.  However, Libby’s assured me, this isn’t a mental quirk, this is normal.
Anyway… moving into this apartment was definitely a healthy and good decision for me.  Since Chrissy moved away, I really needed to be around people.  More so than just work.  So moving in with “the girls” was a good thing for me.  We’d all gone to college together.  Mennogirl, jrosei and I lived in China together.  I knew Becca, but well, honestly we never hung out in college.  Living with her has been the first time for me to really get to know her.  There have been some challenges — again, this is me acknowledging I can be a difficult person to live with.

With my decision to attend grad school, I decided that I want to move closer to that campus and have a longer commute for work.  (Grad school would be in the loop, work is on the northern side of the Northern Territories.)  All of the girls, Libby now included (Mennogirl moved down the alley and Libby moved in), knew I had planned on moving for school.  My goal was to convince Chrissy to come back to me and we could live together.  This is still in negotiations.

Anyway.  With the uncertainty of who I’ll be living with, I at least have the neighborhood picked out.  Right now I’m focusing on moving down to the Southern Lands of Pilsen.  Weiss, who lives there, is assisting in finding some reasonable dwellings.  Since Chrissy is being all academic at grad school now, if she were to come back it would be in June.  However, after more talks with a handful of people, and more time spent down south, I have been toying with the idea that if for some sad reason Chrissy won’t move back, then I’d be willing to move in March.

I hadn’t mentioned this to my current roommate until last night.  I didn’t feel the need to add stress when I really don’t have any of the details worked out.  I only told her last night because I just now found out that she will be quitting her job in January and at this point doesn’t have a plan other than to just find work elsewhere.  With this information, it felt wrong not letting her know.

Anyway… without letting this post get too long… I’m having an interesting time dealing with this whole living situation.  I enjoy the girls, and there are a lot of aspects about the apt that I like.  However, I won’t deny that this hasn’t necessarily been my ideal situation.  It is definitely better than where I was at in many ways.  I’m becoming ready to move on.  But as my excitement builds, I feel this dragging guilt.  That in some ways I’m a bad person for moving.  That I shouldn’t feel so happy to be moving.

It’s my personal decision to move, and I have multiple reasons.  I’ve had a small handful of people telling me to move to Pilsen for well over 6 months now.  And while I realize that my move will change things, and put Becca into a situation she probably doesn’t want to be in — everything’s sort of raining on my parade.  I’ve been in a rainy (and hail-y) parade.  It’s no fun.

It’s hard to know where to be.  I don’t want my roommates to feel that I am abandoning them.  I realize it’s probably hard for them to be supportive of me and excited with/for me when it’s going to bring new challenges to them.  But, with risking sounding too selfish, I need this change.  The Northern Territories were good for me, but I’m ready to get back into an active social life — just an active life all together.  The kittens and I are ready for a new phase.

morning routine - xkcd

So… I’ve actually been thinking of my morning routine for a few weeks now…. and I decided to share it (along with my whole day) with you. (aw, yay. .. right?)

Weekdays…

1. 6:13a – alarm goes off, I’m either out of bed already, or debating whether to pull my comforter over my head…
2. Shower — hot, steamy goodness.  5-20minutes.  depends on how I feel.
3. sitting at either my computer or my laptop (in the living room), checking the weather, email, facebook, the interblags, and possibly watching the last Daily Show on hulu.
4. somewhere near 7a – get dressed.
5. dental hygiene, hair, make up.
6. grab lunch, take vitamins (if I remember), pack bag
7. shoo kittens out of my room, turn off my music, put on shoes
8. leave for work — 4 El stops.
9. ~8a – Work.  Work. Lunch.  Work.  Interblags.  Work.
10. ~5p – leave work — ride the El with George.  (I do actually look forward to this)
11. ~5:25p – arrive home.
12. Kittens, foodstuff, interblags, reading, random mild debauchery, maybe a movie…. chaos and whatnot.
13. turn on music, dental hygiene, change into my peejays, go to bed…
14. 1 hour later… kick kittens out of my bed room
15. fall asleep.

Weekends…
wake up, See Weekday# 2, 3, get dress about 30-40 minutes later (sometimes longer), 5, 12, 12, 12 (probably with friends), 13, 14, 15

You also have to throw in random things like:
dancing, calling mom, talking with Chrissy, dancing, velociraptor attacks, and lot of randomness with various friends who are awesome, reading band once a month (started by Mucca Pazza), non-profit planning meeting (started by the reading band), more dancing, meandering around the city, and (hopefully) potlucks on sunday*

Yep.  That’s pretty much it.

*I’ve only been to one.  Had a superb time.  Hoping to attend more.

This has sort of been a topic amongst the group for a bit, and well, my gorgeous friend Chrissy and I discuss the male species quite often.  I will say, we don’t necessarily harp on the issue of singleness.  Generally it’s about being simultaneously excited, pessimistic, and confused because of our various interests in whom we’re attracted to at the time.

It’s been commented that I’m pretty ballsy when it comes to approaching men.  (I’d like to think that if I ever did find a woman I was ever attracted to enough to want to date, I’d do the same.*)  I’m not opposed to directly telling someone if I’m interested.  Granted, I don’t always do that.  And I’m going to attempt to not discuss my current situation and interest (but I can just tell you, I think he’s pretty awesome… and hot)…

My brother likes to sort of live by the motto “Go big or go home”, you only have one life… Basically just grow a pair and do it.  (This is becoming a very testes-fill entry… hmm..)  Don’t back down.  No regrets. … Yeah.  On most occasions, I feel that if I like a person, I should just be upfront.  Yet, I’m finding that if I’m vocal in my interest… well, it hasn’t worked all that well.

Generally, I wait until I feel decently confident that the person should have gotten the hint that I’m interested without me necessarily stating so.  My last boyfriend (Sean, 2003-2005), once admitted that I was pretty aggressive.  He got the hint that I was interested.  Before we were dating… I ran into his dorm room and threw a smallish squeaky albatross at him, then scampered out of the room giggling.  Ah youth.

Anyway.  Crushes.  Bah.  Mennogirl’s discussion between her Pink fluffy brain and the voice of doubt/reason pretty much captures it.  It’s hard not getting caught up in a crush.  Social networking platforms don’t help — I’m looking at you fb/stalkernet.  For added reference, see this adventure from Fledg.  I mean, no one really wants to be the obsessed stalker chick.

I think this is sort of the underlying push for my directness.  I know my imagination oh too well.  I don’t necessarily trust it to govern itself when it comes to my infatuations.  (Again, let me refer you to the above mentioned post from Fledg.)  So, rather than letting my mind create and live out this relationship that isn’t there, I’d rather just find out if the other person is even interested and then go from there.  And well, that’s led to rejection and a slight deterring of new friendships.  But I’d rather just find out, why wait?  Granted, again, it’s different with each person I’m interested in.  There are times when I wonder if I am doing this more for myself than for the hopes of gaining a relationship.  Weed out the ones that probably wouldn’t develop into anything — and for the ones that I probably am more truly interested in, I’m a bit more inclined to just let things happen… let them develop on their own… (Some of this also comes from my hopeless romantic nature in that I kind of like it when the other person expresses interest…)

But I just put myself out there, then move on when the interests isn’t reciprocated.  On occasion, this has led to awkwardness.  Times when the other person feels that I’m still interested in them, when honestly, I’ve forgotten about it and am just interested in friendship.

Really, nothings come much from this — talking about it, self-examining it.  I’m still fairly direct, even if not verbally, when it comes to my interests in another person… I’m still currently single, however currently pretty attracted to someone (according to a third party, I “fallen” for them), yet well, I’ve still got no clue whether this person might even be remotely interested in pursuing a relationship with me.  I don’t even think I want much right now, just someone to spend time with, someone I enjoy, am attracted to, enjoy kissing, and well, that things could be exclusive… It’s basically friends with benefits that’s monogamous.  I mean, I pretty much want whomever I’m in a relationship to be someone I’m close friends with that I happen to make out with… (So much for not discussing my current situation.)

Anyway.  Crushes will probably always been frustrating.  I’m not sure if much can be done to change that.  I can’t really offer much advice to Mennogirl.  Either she will finally and somewhat directly (it doesn’t have to be verbally) express her interest to this guy, he may wise up and do the same, or they’ll just continue like this with Mennogirl probably giving up out of frustration or a lack of interest.  Best of luck dear, I am rooting for you.

*I do consider myself to be of the heterosexual persuasion.  However, if I ever were to find some amazing woman that completely blew me away, I wouldn’t deny myself the opportunity to be with her.  I just tend to not to be attracted to women, more so, I have yet to discover myself being sexually attracted to a woman.  Anyway.  That’s that.